Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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