Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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