that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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