Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
