I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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