she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
