I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
