I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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