she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
