you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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