Kiss
Puke
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
