i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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