Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
