Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
