Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
