Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
