how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
