just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
