Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
