dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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