Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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