There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
