Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
