I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There's always time for handjobs
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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