It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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