We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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