just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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