i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
