That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize