I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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