I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
