my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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