I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
