just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
