Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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