Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you had me at cake vodka
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
