And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
