Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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