im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
