I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
