I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
