I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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