i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
