I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
