I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
