I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
