I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
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