Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
