I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
