I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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