i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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