come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's shark week go big or go home
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
