Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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