if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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