So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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