my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
