so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize