Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
