We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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