i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
