i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
