she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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