Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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