seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize