I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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