but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
