umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
