So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
