i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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