Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
