As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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