My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
