Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
