I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
