I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
