I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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