brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
