whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
