i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
if i can run in heels then i can drive
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
