I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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