i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
