I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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