i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
