So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
