I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize