Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
