Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
