I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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