Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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