took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
