Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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