Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
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