um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
