I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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