i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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