I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Floor bacon is actually really good
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
