yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
where are my eyebrows?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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