I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
it was like eating out sand paper
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize