I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
