It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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