Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
