Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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