I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
