It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There are leaves in my underwear?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
