i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
