And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
