WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
