Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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