So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
