dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
